Happiness

Today feels more like a celebration than a contemplative search for self-consolation; I feel happy. So let me tell you of my happiness for once instead of my sorrows! Every aspect of emotion should be addressed, should it not?

I have noticed, over the past week or so, that I've been much more social, much less introverted, and a lot more active. It's great to feel this way again! However, I won't pretend that everything is sunshine and daisies. It's more like taking a cake out of the oven: it may stay raised, but it may also collapse in the middle. Who knows?! That's the problem with this sort of stuff: it's riddled with uncertainty, especially when you can feel first-rate one day and terrible the next. I know this extroverted lifestyle won't last too long because people exhaust me (seriously, guys, you drain the life from me)! Each social interaction thickens my skin as the touch and words of others become static. I just have to take some days of recluse to shed that skin in order to emerge, rested and renewed. Social hibernation, I guess!

If you've read my previous posts, you'll notice that this harkens back to an earlier one I made about surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones, like one might surround themselves with allies in a war; you need your connections- whatever help or support you can get, it's vital. This is going to be a difficult process, so sometimes those closest can be your only sanctum in a world that's crowded by your own thoughts- sometimes you just need to let another voice in, or let someone break your voice out. Your loved ones are an important lifeline: one you should never sever, merely slacken it when necessary. Don't be afraid to tell people how you're feeling. I know vulnerability doesn't feel great, nor does the feeling of burdening others with your problems, but just as you listen to your friends, they'll listen to you, too, because that's what friends will always do.

You may find yourself jaw-locked in your attempts to communicate how you feel. My body has this awesome mechanism of defence where it just shuts down, removing all but basic emotion, stifling my vocal ability. It's a dam my mind saw fit to build in order to stop the flood of words that'd drown my victim's ears. Of course, once I opened side channels for a steady flow of sentences, little by little it became easier. My dam is still there, but it guards less water. In time, I won't need it. In time; I'll speak freely without shame, I'll speak without a sense of burdening, I'll speak with a new sense of weightlessness as I drop the sandbags and take to new horizons! But most importantly, I'll just speak. Years of bottling moments, emotions, thoughts and compulsions will be rectified- brandishing my renewal in one hand and weaponising my voice in the other, I'll knock those bottles from dusty shelves, cast them to the ground to relinquish my mind to the demons it has hidden away for so long; I created these demons so only I can destroy them, just as you can destroy yours.

Good luck, guys! We can win this together. ☺