Drug addiction.

Today, there will be no comparisons, no parallels drawn between insect and issue, no measures taken of a window for a mind. This is a topic that I will not approach in a half-hearted fashion, nor will I make light of or allow it to be ridiculed. This is about drug abuse in relation to mental health.

Like it or not, drugs are a part of this world. Whether you drink, smoke, or pop recreationally/medically, you partake in the world of drugs. Our way of life relies on them to provide wellness, oneness, love, escape, and for those misfortunate individuals, a means to an end. You only have to look back in history to see that drugs have been a part of the human way life for a very long time, which makes it only natural, I suppose, for them to have been made of use by those who do not sleep at night; those whose thoughts loop around the days, evenings and early hours, like a vulture circles it's weary prey, waiting for them to slump over in relent to their impending end- but we don't sleep. You ache to relinquish your withered-self to the beast that hangs above, but the very same beast brandishes an IV drip of coffee-concentrate, revelling in your unwilling obligations to fight on, evocative of a cruel master and their slave. Your bloodshot eyes are pinned open, like the prized butterfly of an entomologist's collection who has it constantly on show to ensure nobody forgets, least of all, you.

I've heard people make statements like, "drugs are for people who just can't handle how kick ass reality is". I can see why some might think that but, I can assure them that many who've drawn up an alliance and contract with their mind-altering friend; that they've handled reality every morning, every afternoon, every evening, every. Damn. Day. It isn't an inability to handle it but an unwillingness to continue on the path that steepens. You just don't want to. Is that a sign of weakness? Perhaps, but who's to determine weakness from exhaustion? Personally, I didn't want to handle how "kick ass" reality is because I'm getting my ass kicked! I'm hooked-up by the very thing as reality prods and pokes my brain- a malicious sibling shouting, "what does this button do?!" So, my thoughts were, why not numb the pain? Self medicate as it were- and avoid the problem at hand. Yeah, that's right, I won't dodge the issue. I know that my drive to do so was to forget, to alleviate the torment... to sleep. Almost every night, I would light-up in a pursuit for dreams- though, more often than not, I'd forget them as a result (for which I am mostly thankful, as it seems my mind enjoys tormenting me in rest, too). I hid behind the smoke on which I relied. Since then, I have reflected on this issue and have begun the process of quitting, tackling my demons beneath clear skies instead of clouds atop the rocky grounds- something I beckon others to do. Go about it at your own pace, of course, but in order to accept our problems, we must acknowledge them first. If avoidance/denial is your first step, that's okay. You most likely aren't ready to face your shadows just yet so just listen out for your own voice to tell you when it's right; it'll echo through when it's time. A journey to recovery should never be rushed for fear of potential relapse. However, I will say this: don't allow yourself to slump so far into the habit, that you never want to escape it. Make movements to make change. Remind yourself, daily, of what you're trying to escape so you learn to get used to your past, then quitting becomes easier when facing the problems you've already pondered instead of avoiding. Don't lose yourself and become the habit, lose the habit and become yourself.

I won't pretend that everybody who has an addiction is afflicted. My intention is not to excuse every drug-taker, as it's clear that some people just enjoy having a good time, going on to form a non-dependent addiction. I do ask, however, that those who cast judgement on people who've seemingly developed an addiction, take a moment to think why they have and what you can do to help. A constructive pointer for you: attempting forced change definitely isn't the answer. You should talk to and listen to them. Be there for them. Support them for as long as they need until they emerge from their shell, ready to tackle the sands before the ocean. Be their friend. Just by listening, you can be the change that they need. To those who find themselves "handling reality", I implore you not to hide. Do not go through this alone, and don't lose your way. You're being called for somewhere, you just might not be able to hear it yet. Good luck.


If you or anybody else you know is going through drug addiction, here are a few links to help:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/drugs/Pages/Drugtreatment.aspx - Getting help with drug addiction

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/drugs/Pages/caring-for-a-drug-user.aspx - Families of drug users

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/drugs.php - A list of support lines and other helpful links

Introduction to Diary of a Downer

      Mental illness: the bracket title for many various afflictions and illnesses of the mind, each one so diversified and uniquely tailored to the individual sufferer and their backstory, that it's comparable to a personalised book and its blurb.

      While sufferers are grouped into sub-categories of mental illness, no person has had the exact same experiences as another before their diagnosis. I believe, that because of this, our ability to help ourselves is greater than any other: nobody knows you better than you, right? Belief in oneself and one's convictions is greater than belief in others- or so we'd like to think.

      Unfortunately, while we know this is the case, it's incredibly hard to see how you can help yourself when you feel so... well, helpless. It's difficult to imagine pulling yourself from the doom and gloom of life when there seems to be no ladder out of the ditch into which you've fallen. You're expired. You're almost constantly sore on a world that seems to be beating you down and doing you no favours- or does it? Are we just so downtrodden and soulfully dilapidated, that even when we're given chances, we fail to see them as such, leaving us to continue on our skulk through life as we bear our creeping, weighty shadows- melancholia personified in torture-inducing hypotheticals, uncomfortable reflections, and horror-filled fantasies. No doubt these are thoughts that have crossed your mind. In fact, I imagine everybody goes through moments of dark thought, but when that darkness doesn't shift; when no excitement grips you, no more passions enthral you, no final goals move you, no more- just, no more. The words that you tell yourself daily in lieu of "let's do this". Rather than making positive movements, you're in a battle to halt negative behaviours, seemingly unaware that one cannot happen without the other so you say, "no more" to your hindrances while doing no more to move on. You stagnate, and the longer you do so, the more sour you turn and more oblivious you become (or undeservedly you feel) to all the opportunities that present themselves.

      This blog is my attempt to help myself in hopes of helping others, too. I've always found my drive to help others is greater than my drive to help myself, so shifting my motive is, in part, selfish. I suppose you can call this project something of a "selflessly selfish" movement (or would it be "selfishly selfless"...? Hm. Anyway, you get my meaning). I hope to assist in ridding the world of a stigma that is unreasonable and unnecessary, because in a world of increasing mental bruises, broken emotions and fractured thoughts, people need to know that it's okay to be dealing with these illnesses and it's okay to talk. Not talking merely adds to the problem.

My name is Lance, and this is my introduction to Diary of a Downer.